Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 19:53:14 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 19:53:14 GMT -5
"Leave me alone! No just fuck off you don't understand its not all gonna be fucking okay! Why dont you just fucking kill me now put me out of my fucking misery cause what the fuck why does it fucking matter?!" Alec yelled at his parents he stood up and walked out of the hall. Today marked a year and today he found out he was dying sooner than he thought he was.
Alec sat in a corner in the hall with his knees up to his chest and his head laying on his knees he just wanted to punch something wanted to blame someone but there was no one to blame.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:00:44 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:00:44 GMT -5
Today just sucked. They had finally decided that they definitely were going to start Clara on chemo, which Clara absolutely did not want to happen. Not to mention the fact that she fell again and sprained her knee, so she had to walk on crutches for two weeks. She'd sprained the same knee five times now because when you mix a clumsy girl with fragile leg bones it didn't end very well. But the doctors told her that she was lucky that she didn't actually break anything, as if that was supposed to make her feel better.
She was on her way to her room, ready to just pass the rest of the day cuddled up with a book, but she saw Alec sitting alone in the hallway and she knew something was up. "Bad day?" she said as she approached him. Leaning her crutches up against the wall, she sat down next to him, but ended up slipping and landing hard on her butt. "Ouch," she said quietly.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:07:15 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:07:15 GMT -5
"No it was fucking fantastic you know learning that hy if the mediccine doesn't die you wont even live to Christmas no and I'm sorry Clara but it looks like youre gonna be the last fucking one and I'm sorry because I wanted to stay with you, I just wanyed to be there with you and rosie and now I'm just gonna fucking die." Alec took a deep breath and clenched his fists. "Happpy one year anniversary to me," Alec muttered under his breath. He never liked being this angry but je couldn't help it.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:15:00 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:15:00 GMT -5
Clara pursed her lips a little, trying to think of what she could say. Dealing with Alec when he got like this was a skill that she hadn't quite mastered yet. "I'm so sorry," she said, even if it was a lame thing to say. "Life is uncertain, you know? But being angry about that isn't going to get you anywhere. You just have to appreciate the time that you do have." The chances of Alec actually listening to her were slim, and Clara knew that, but she had to try either way.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:20:01 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:20:01 GMT -5
"How can you enjoy life when you could wasily fucking die tomorrow and taht the chanves of youd dying are so fucking high that its unbelievable!" Alec said. Alec banged his head back against the wall,"I think I'd rather just die now just know when im gonna die and say goodbye and I dont want that I don't want to die no matter how much I said I was readh snd I don't want to not say goodbye either like what the fuck am I supposed to do?" Alec asked.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Don't give me any of that Hazel Grace bullshit.
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Sept 28, 2014 20:24:32 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:24:32 GMT -5
Clara raised an eyebrow. "You bring a whole new meaning to the expression 'Live everyday like it's your last'?" she said, but she immediately regretted it. It was a stupid thing to say, especially with Alec this pissed off. But there was nothing that she could ever do to make him feel better at times like this. It would have been smarter just to let him cool down and talk to him about it later. But there was still a part of her that felt bad leaving him there, so she stayed.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:27:23 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:27:23 GMT -5
"Well I have tonlive every day like it could be my last because it fucking could be." Alec said. Alec closed his eyes and hugged his knees closer. Yhe onky thing yaht made him angry was fear so all of this was just fear.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:30:26 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:30:26 GMT -5
Clara nodded. "Exactly," she said. "So do you want to spend the last day of your life angry because it's the last day or do you want to do something fun?" Clara hoped that maybe she could make him happier, but she wasn't sure if there was any chance of that.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:35:12 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:35:12 GMT -5
Alec looked over at Clara he wss crying now,"I just dont wanna die," Alec said quietly. "I know were all dying but people live up to np90 why can't I?" Alec asked. "Why can a 90 year old survive but a 17 year old cant its not fucking fair!" Alec yelled.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Don't give me any of that Hazel Grace bullshit.
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Sept 28, 2014 20:43:01 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:43:01 GMT -5
"I know it's not," Clara said. "But life isn't supposed to be fair. It's supposed to be hard and challenging but you can't give up now. This is just a blip, okay? We'll figure it out." It was one of the most optimistic things Clara had said in months.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 20:46:48 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:46:48 GMT -5
"There is no figuring it ou okay?" Alec said,"no treatment is working for me, the medicine doesnt do anything. It never does," Alec said he shook his head. He was gonna die he was gonna leave clara and rosie behind and he didn't want that.
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Don't give me any of that Hazel Grace bullshit.
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Sept 28, 2014 20:50:57 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 20:50:57 GMT -5
Clara nodded. "Okay, and that's the same thing they told me when I was first diagnosed," she said. "They said I'd be dead within months, and I lasted six more years before I relapsed again. There's still a chance." Clara didn't completely believe what she was saying, but maybe Alec would.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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I'm Ready Now To Fly
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Sept 28, 2014 20:58:34 GMT -5
Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 20:58:34 GMT -5
"But can you honestly tell me that you think I'll get better?" Alec asked. " I have a tumor the size of a small foot ball right here, " he sakd pointing by his arm pit,"and its close to hitting my organs and once it does I wknt be here much longer. " Alec said quietly,"and they think another is about to form right here," Alec said pointing to the other armpit. "I just want to get better. "
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Jun 23, 2016 14:50:43 GMT -5
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Don't give me any of that Hazel Grace bullshit.
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Sept 28, 2014 21:07:30 GMT -5
Post by Clara Austin on Sept 28, 2014 21:07:30 GMT -5
Clara sighed, leaning against Alecs shoulder. "I know," she said. "But if there's anything we know it's that we don't always get what we want." Clara hated the fact that Alecs cancer was getting worse. He was the closest friend she had. She couldn't lose him too.
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Jun 20, 2016 12:12:22 GMT -5
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Sept 28, 2014 21:18:17 GMT -5
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Post by Alec Kress on Sept 28, 2014 21:18:17 GMT -5
Alec put his arm around Clara, Alec liked the silence for a moment it was nice and something he wasn't used to. "Im gonna wait a week to tell Rosie in case the medicine does he actually work." Alec said quietly. It was false hope though the medicine never seemed to work for Alec.
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